I abandoned all caring for myself and let myself get fat. Very fat.
I started my current journey on May 4, at 300 pounds.
I will have to search for pictures. I either do not allow them to be taken, step behind something to hide myself, or do the picture taking so that I am not in any of the photos. It is sad, really. When I look at photos of an event, I am never "in" the event. I know I was there, participating, but I am not in any photos or videos. The ghost of self-acceptance past, robbing me of happy memories. And *I* let that happen.
My week 1 weigh in was May 11. I weighed in at 290.8 pounds (down 9.2).
On previous weight loss attempts, I started as high as 363.6 (but was heavier than that -- I had to lose some and find a scale that could weigh me). I got as low as 202. It will be emotional to pass 202 someday. I want to get there.
I am trying to focus more on loving myself, and less on pounds. I kind of loathe the scale; I do not need another reason to hate myself. However, achieving better health, feeling better, and being more active will only come with pounds lost. Many, many pounds lost. Again, *I* did this to myself.
My current plan had been to weigh monthly, but that made me obsess about the scale all week. So, I think I will weigh weekly, on Wednesdays, and keep a posting of my progress.
That is, of course, if my obsessive self allows that.
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