Nada.

My weight loss, my mood, my health interest, my job, my workouts, even my hair ...


FLAT.  F-L-A-T kind of flat.


No weight loss.  Zip. Zilch. Nuttin'. Nada.


I *know* (intellectually) that I have to expect plateaus (I have been losing at a rate exceeding 2 pounds per week).  That knowledge does not make this feel any better, though.

Blah.

Am *struggling* to stay the course. 

Onward.

 

Weeky Weigh In - August 17, 2016

Weight

May 4	300.0
May 11	290.8
May 18	289.6
May 25	287.2
June 1	285.6
June 8	282.2
June 15	279.0
June 22	277.0
June 29	275.0
July 6	270.0
July 13	267.4
July 20	264.6
July 27	263.8
August 3	262.4
August 10	258.0
August 17	257.0

 

 

BMI

May 4	49.9
June 1	47.6
June 8	47.0
June 15	46.4
June 22	46.1
June 29	45.7
July 6	44.9
July 13	44.5
July 20	44.1
July 27	44.0
August 3	43.6
August 10	42.9
August 17	42.8

 

I am down 1 pound.  Wish it was more, but glad to see it go.
I have lost 43.0, so I have 89.5 to go (based on my current 167.5 goal weight).  Less than 90!

 

 

100 days

I have completed 100 days on my eating plan.

I have logged every bite, lick, taste, mouthful, or swallow.  I have, without fail, kept within my daily calorie limit.  I have glugged oceans of water.  I have moved more than I have in years.

I am so stinking proud of myself.

100 days.  44 pounds gone.  I need to find an old full-body shot for a side-by-side (but I pretty much never let them be taken or deleted them -- might be hard!).

And who knew I had a long chin?!?!

Weekly Weigh In - August 10, 2016

Weight

May 4	300.0
May 11	290.8
May 18	289.6
May 25	287.2
June 1	285.6
June 8	282.2
June 15	279.0
June 22	277.0
June 29	275.0
July 6	270.0
July 13	267.4
July 20	264.6
July 27	263.8
August 3	262.4
August 10	258.0

BMI

May 4	49.9
June 1	47.6
June 8	47.0
June 15	46.4
June 22	46.1
June 29	45.7
July 6	44.9
July 13	44.5
July 20	44.1
July 27	44.0
August 3	43.6
August 10	42.9

I have lost 42.0, so I have 90.5 to go (based on my current 167.5 goal weight).  I am now 31.6% done.  Woot!  Woot!


My BMI has gone from the “Very High Health Risk” category to the “High Health Risk” category.  I am pretty pumped to get out of the BMI 40’s range.  I have to get my BMI to 35 to get to “Moderate Health Risk” (Appx. 210 pounds).  That is my next targetable goal – to get into the “Moderate Health Risk” BMI category.  That is 48 pounds away.  Onward!

 

No Filter

I am even more fully aware, now, of how much I used food to deal with everything before. 

I used it to avoid making decisions, to avoid revealing self, to convince myself things were okay, to soothe, to entertain, to reward, to punish, to avoid conversations, and most of all to avoid having to actually FEEL my feelings.

A little irritated?  Have a cookie.

Didn’t help? Have a few more.

Really pissed?  Eat the box.

I feel EVERYTHING now, and I am one large, raw nerve ending.  I pretty much hate it.

I am jangled by noise, irritated by routine, unstrung by choices. 

It is just plain exhausting to have to deal with everything, and not just stuff it down and go into a carb coma.

I am fraying my friendships and relationships right now, and I am even starting to wear on myself.

Hydration - It's a Challenge

I am 90+ days into my eating plan, so it is pretty routine now.  I automatically weigh, measure and log every bite I eat.  Now that I am pretty good on that front, it is time to take on hydration.


I suck at drinking water.


I can down a six-pack of diet soda, no problem, but I struggle to even get in three glasses of water.


I have taken diet soda and most diet drinks off of the table now (I do not need the chemicals!).  I was hoping the water drinking would just magically increase as my consumption of the other drinks decreased.


Not that easy.

I am having to be MINDFUL of drinking water.  I am tracking it in LoseIt! the same way I am tracking all of my other foods.


Sigh.  I guess I have proven to myself time and again that I do not just automatically do what is best for me.


Every hour during the day, I try to put down 1/2 a cup (or more) of water.  My wee-capacity bladder is having to learn to deal (and all that extra exercise from sprinting to the ladies' room!).

Weekly Weigh In - August 3, 2016

Weight
May 4       300.0
May 11     290.8
May 18     289.6
May 25     287.2
June 1       285.6
June 8       282.2
June 15     279.0
June 22     277.0
June 29     275.0
July 6        270.0
July 13      267.4
July 20      264.6
July 27      263.8
August 3   262.4

 

BMI
May 4       49.9
June 1       47.6
June 8       47.0
June 15     46.4
June 22     46.1
June 29     45.7
July 6        44.9
July 13      44.5
July 20      44.1
July 27      44.0
August 3   43.6


I have lost 37.6, so I have 94.9 to go (based on my current 167.5 goal weight).

 

I am now 28.4% done. Woot! Woot!

 

My BMI has gone from the “Very High Health Risk” category to the “High Health Risk” category. I have to get my BMI to 35 to get to “Moderate Health Risk” (Appx. 210 pounds). That is my next targetable goal – to get into the “Moderate Health Risk” BMI category. Onward!

Fat Acceptance? Not a Fan ...

This is a subject that has me sooooooo conflicted.

I have been a fat child/adolescent/teen/adult/older adult.  I have hated myself, and I have lived outside my own life in many ways due to my weight and my feelings about my weight.  I have been mercilessly bullied by many people, including myself.  I bear the barely-scabbed scars of that abuse.

So, I *get* the whole *idea* of flying your fat flag proudly and owning your own life – eating what you want, wearing what you want, doing what you want.  I so want to applaud and embrace that, to celebrate the sense of freedom and ownership.  I want to laud their bravery and reward their beauty.

But, I can’t, because life does not work that way.

I am VERY close to 60 years old and, until 3 months ago, I weighed 300+ pounds.  My all-time high weight was somewhere north of 425 pounds.  I had no way to measure my weight; I finally had myself weighed on a meat scale to find out what my weight was.  I have dieted down to 202, and then ballooned back to 300.  I have hated, and cried, and eaten, and struggled, for 40+ years.

So, why can I not sign onto the “fat acceptance” bandwagon?

Because, when I look around me, I see VERY FEW people my weight who are older than me.  The simple truth is that you do not live a long life at 300+ pounds, or more, and I know that.  It is one of my primary motivators for keeping me on my current eating plan. 

This is the plain and simple truth:  morbidly obese people die from their obesity and from complications caused by or contributed to by their obesity.

When I see lovely young women celebrating their 200-, 250-, 300-lb. selves, I just see future health problems and short lives.  I see joint pain and loss of mobility.  I see loss of independence.  I see limited lives and limited futures.  I see pain.

I *know* these things.  I am battling back from myriad health problems and impaired mobility.  I fight through physical pain every day.

I cannot see the beauty, because I am too close to the pain.

Weekly Weigh In - July 27, 2016

Weight

• May 4              300.0
• May 11            290.8
• May 18            289.6
• May 25            287.2
• June 1              285.6
• June 8              282.2
• June 15            279.0
• June 22            277.0
• June 29            275.0
• July 6              270.0
• July 13            267.4
• July 20            264.6
• July 27            263.8

 

 

BMI

• May 4              49.9
• June 1              47.6
• June 8              47.0
• June 15            46.4
• June 22            46.1
• June 29            45.7
• July 6              44.9
• July 13            44.5
• July 20            44.1
• July 27            44.0

 

 

I have lost 36.2, so I have 96.3 to go (based on the 167.5 goal weight).  I am now 27% done. 

 

Weekly Weigh In - July 20, 2016

Weight

• May 4              300.0
• May 11            290.8
• May 18            289.6
• May 25            287.2
• June 1              285.6
• June 8              282.2
• June 15            279.0
• June 22            277.0
• June 29            275.0
• July 6               270.0
• July 13             267.4
• July 20             264.6

BMI

• May 4              49.9
• June 1              47.6
• June 8              47.0
• June 15            46.4
• June 22            46.1
• June 29            45.7
• July 6               44.9
• July 13             44.5
• July 20             44.0

I have lost 35.4, so I have 97.1 to go (based on the 167.5 goal weight).  Woot!  Less than 100!!!  I am now 26.7% done.  Wheeeee! 

I still do pretty okay on a daily basis.  I stay within my calorie budget (currently 1,150.00 calories).  My gallbladder needs to come out – this weight loss plan was the coup de grace for it (it actually started kicking up when I was on Medifast a long time ago, and has sporadically bothered me since).  I have a fair amount of pain from it, and am looking forward to not having the pain any more.

The Food Police

I am 75 days into my eating plan, motoring along for the most part, down 34+ pounds.

Why, then, do people feel they have to “help” me?  My DH (“Dear” or “Damned” Husband, depending on the usage) is the worst offender.

Example A:  We are at the birthday party of a close family friend.  DH announces to all present that I am on a “severely restricted diet” and therefore cannot have cake.  Now, mind you, I had not said anything about eating or not eating cake (and I even helped cut and serve it).  It, of course, caused a lot of unwelcome glances and chatter.  You know “the look” – when someone hears you, the fat chick, are on a diet and they look you up and down super closely (judging how much the diet is needed?  How much the diet has worked or not worked?).  I *hate* “the look”.  I again reminded DH that *I* can handle my eating situations without his intervention.  He said he was only trying to “help”.  His help does not help me.

Example B:  Then, when out to eat at a barbeque place this weekend, I am ordering a salad and he butts in to tell the server that I cannot have the onion straws in the salad.  I knew they were there, I knew the calorie load, I had not yet decided to eat them or not, but I had already requested them on the side in case I did not want to eat them.  Really, truly I am a grown person who can manage what goes in her mouth without his “assistance”.  He now rambles on about diet and the nutrition of food as if he is a paragon of virtue and font of diet knowledge.  He is neither.  And, my eating plan is in no way about him; it is about me.  When I said that I do not need his help, he erupted and has not talked to me since.

I *hate* being food policed.


And I *refuse* to let DH (and, just for the record, it is *not* "Dear" today) derail my success.  I am doing this for *me*.

Progress Photos

I have been on this journey since May 4. I am finally starting to see some changes.
The first three photos are from May 4th.

 



















The next three photos are from early June

 The last three photos are from early July

 

Weight Progress - July 6, 2016

Weight

May 4              300
May 11            290.8
May 18            289.6
May 25            287.2
June 1              285.6
June 8              282.2
June 15            279.0
June 22            277.0
June 29            275.00
July 6               270.00

 
BMI

May 4              49.9
June 1              47.6
June 8              47.0
June 15            46.4
June 22            46.1
June 29            45.7
July 6              44.9

 
My BMI is now 44.9.  I am edging towards being out of the “Obese Class III” range (the highest health risk).  I have to be 240 pounds to get into “Obese Class II”.  My goal weight (167.5) will leave me in the “overweight” category, but I am trying to come to peace with that.  To get into the “Normal” category, I would have to be under 150.  I am unsure if I can get there and stay there.  I was last 152 in my teens (40+ years ago).  I think I was in late elementary or early middle school when I was *under* 150.  I just want to have more energy and less weight-related health issues.  My doctor would be *thrilled* if I got to 167.5 and stayed right around there.
 
World Health Organization BMI Chart

Category	BMI range - kg/m2
Severe Thinness	< 16
Moderate Thinness	16 - 17
Mild Thinness	17 - 18.5
Normal	18.5 - 25
Overweight	25 - 30
Obese Class I	30 - 35
Obese Class II	35 - 40
Obese Class III	> 40

 
I have lost 30, so I have 102.5 to go (based on the 167.5 goal weight).  I will be happy when that number is less than 100 (I have lost 100 before and know that I can do it).  I am now 22.6% done.  Wheeeee!

 
I do pretty okay on a daily basis.  I stay within my calorie budget (currently 1,150 calories).  I will admit that I subtract what I really want to eat first, then fill in the rest (on occasion).  And, I have had a day when alcohol was my main calorie source.  However, I have shown myself what level of dedication and deprivation allows for that (and I would choose carefully if I elect to do this again), in order to continue to make progress and lose weight.  Sort of takes the "fun" out of eating high calorie, high carb or sugary stuff.  I *can" do it, but I will not enjoy it much after (while I eat nothing else or exercise to burn it off).


Onward.