I am even more fully aware, now, of how much I used food to
deal with everything before.
I used it to avoid
making decisions, to avoid revealing self, to convince myself things were okay,
to soothe, to entertain, to reward, to punish, to avoid conversations, and most
of all to avoid having to actually FEEL my feelings.
A little irritated?
Have a cookie.
Didn’t help? Have a few more.
Really pissed? Eat
the box.
I feel EVERYTHING now, and I am one large, raw nerve ending. I pretty much hate it.
I am jangled by noise, irritated by routine, unstrung by
choices.
It is just plain exhausting to have to deal with everything,
and not just stuff it down and go into a carb coma.
I am fraying my friendships and relationships right now, and
I am even starting to wear on myself.
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