Nada.

My weight loss, my mood, my health interest, my job, my workouts, even my hair ...


FLAT.  F-L-A-T kind of flat.


No weight loss.  Zip. Zilch. Nuttin'. Nada.


I *know* (intellectually) that I have to expect plateaus (I have been losing at a rate exceeding 2 pounds per week).  That knowledge does not make this feel any better, though.

Blah.

Am *struggling* to stay the course. 

Onward.

 

Weeky Weigh In - August 17, 2016

Weight

May 4	300.0
May 11	290.8
May 18	289.6
May 25	287.2
June 1	285.6
June 8	282.2
June 15	279.0
June 22	277.0
June 29	275.0
July 6	270.0
July 13	267.4
July 20	264.6
July 27	263.8
August 3	262.4
August 10	258.0
August 17	257.0

 

 

BMI

May 4	49.9
June 1	47.6
June 8	47.0
June 15	46.4
June 22	46.1
June 29	45.7
July 6	44.9
July 13	44.5
July 20	44.1
July 27	44.0
August 3	43.6
August 10	42.9
August 17	42.8

 

I am down 1 pound.  Wish it was more, but glad to see it go.
I have lost 43.0, so I have 89.5 to go (based on my current 167.5 goal weight).  Less than 90!

 

 

100 days

I have completed 100 days on my eating plan.

I have logged every bite, lick, taste, mouthful, or swallow.  I have, without fail, kept within my daily calorie limit.  I have glugged oceans of water.  I have moved more than I have in years.

I am so stinking proud of myself.

100 days.  44 pounds gone.  I need to find an old full-body shot for a side-by-side (but I pretty much never let them be taken or deleted them -- might be hard!).

And who knew I had a long chin?!?!

Weekly Weigh In - August 10, 2016

Weight

May 4	300.0
May 11	290.8
May 18	289.6
May 25	287.2
June 1	285.6
June 8	282.2
June 15	279.0
June 22	277.0
June 29	275.0
July 6	270.0
July 13	267.4
July 20	264.6
July 27	263.8
August 3	262.4
August 10	258.0

BMI

May 4	49.9
June 1	47.6
June 8	47.0
June 15	46.4
June 22	46.1
June 29	45.7
July 6	44.9
July 13	44.5
July 20	44.1
July 27	44.0
August 3	43.6
August 10	42.9

I have lost 42.0, so I have 90.5 to go (based on my current 167.5 goal weight).  I am now 31.6% done.  Woot!  Woot!


My BMI has gone from the “Very High Health Risk” category to the “High Health Risk” category.  I am pretty pumped to get out of the BMI 40’s range.  I have to get my BMI to 35 to get to “Moderate Health Risk” (Appx. 210 pounds).  That is my next targetable goal – to get into the “Moderate Health Risk” BMI category.  That is 48 pounds away.  Onward!

 

No Filter

I am even more fully aware, now, of how much I used food to deal with everything before. 

I used it to avoid making decisions, to avoid revealing self, to convince myself things were okay, to soothe, to entertain, to reward, to punish, to avoid conversations, and most of all to avoid having to actually FEEL my feelings.

A little irritated?  Have a cookie.

Didn’t help? Have a few more.

Really pissed?  Eat the box.

I feel EVERYTHING now, and I am one large, raw nerve ending.  I pretty much hate it.

I am jangled by noise, irritated by routine, unstrung by choices. 

It is just plain exhausting to have to deal with everything, and not just stuff it down and go into a carb coma.

I am fraying my friendships and relationships right now, and I am even starting to wear on myself.

Hydration - It's a Challenge

I am 90+ days into my eating plan, so it is pretty routine now.  I automatically weigh, measure and log every bite I eat.  Now that I am pretty good on that front, it is time to take on hydration.


I suck at drinking water.


I can down a six-pack of diet soda, no problem, but I struggle to even get in three glasses of water.


I have taken diet soda and most diet drinks off of the table now (I do not need the chemicals!).  I was hoping the water drinking would just magically increase as my consumption of the other drinks decreased.


Not that easy.

I am having to be MINDFUL of drinking water.  I am tracking it in LoseIt! the same way I am tracking all of my other foods.


Sigh.  I guess I have proven to myself time and again that I do not just automatically do what is best for me.


Every hour during the day, I try to put down 1/2 a cup (or more) of water.  My wee-capacity bladder is having to learn to deal (and all that extra exercise from sprinting to the ladies' room!).

Weekly Weigh In - August 3, 2016

Weight
May 4       300.0
May 11     290.8
May 18     289.6
May 25     287.2
June 1       285.6
June 8       282.2
June 15     279.0
June 22     277.0
June 29     275.0
July 6        270.0
July 13      267.4
July 20      264.6
July 27      263.8
August 3   262.4

 

BMI
May 4       49.9
June 1       47.6
June 8       47.0
June 15     46.4
June 22     46.1
June 29     45.7
July 6        44.9
July 13      44.5
July 20      44.1
July 27      44.0
August 3   43.6


I have lost 37.6, so I have 94.9 to go (based on my current 167.5 goal weight).

 

I am now 28.4% done. Woot! Woot!

 

My BMI has gone from the “Very High Health Risk” category to the “High Health Risk” category. I have to get my BMI to 35 to get to “Moderate Health Risk” (Appx. 210 pounds). That is my next targetable goal – to get into the “Moderate Health Risk” BMI category. Onward!

Fat Acceptance? Not a Fan ...

This is a subject that has me sooooooo conflicted.

I have been a fat child/adolescent/teen/adult/older adult.  I have hated myself, and I have lived outside my own life in many ways due to my weight and my feelings about my weight.  I have been mercilessly bullied by many people, including myself.  I bear the barely-scabbed scars of that abuse.

So, I *get* the whole *idea* of flying your fat flag proudly and owning your own life – eating what you want, wearing what you want, doing what you want.  I so want to applaud and embrace that, to celebrate the sense of freedom and ownership.  I want to laud their bravery and reward their beauty.

But, I can’t, because life does not work that way.

I am VERY close to 60 years old and, until 3 months ago, I weighed 300+ pounds.  My all-time high weight was somewhere north of 425 pounds.  I had no way to measure my weight; I finally had myself weighed on a meat scale to find out what my weight was.  I have dieted down to 202, and then ballooned back to 300.  I have hated, and cried, and eaten, and struggled, for 40+ years.

So, why can I not sign onto the “fat acceptance” bandwagon?

Because, when I look around me, I see VERY FEW people my weight who are older than me.  The simple truth is that you do not live a long life at 300+ pounds, or more, and I know that.  It is one of my primary motivators for keeping me on my current eating plan. 

This is the plain and simple truth:  morbidly obese people die from their obesity and from complications caused by or contributed to by their obesity.

When I see lovely young women celebrating their 200-, 250-, 300-lb. selves, I just see future health problems and short lives.  I see joint pain and loss of mobility.  I see loss of independence.  I see limited lives and limited futures.  I see pain.

I *know* these things.  I am battling back from myriad health problems and impaired mobility.  I fight through physical pain every day.

I cannot see the beauty, because I am too close to the pain.